Photography by Colette de Barros
I like to think back to the time, about 10 years ago, when I started my first blog. I was in high school in the prime of my teenage years—aspiring to be a great writer-turned-poet, insecure as you could ever imagine and forging my way on the internet (after school) to find a home for my words.
Well, I found it. Much to my surprise, it was a blog.
Yes, I had a secret blog. I signed up for Blogspot when I was 17 years old. Boy, my website was mediocre at best, but I loved it!
It became a secret writer’s life for me—a hidden space to log my style day-to-day and to share my passions, thoughts, poetry and photography. I didn’t want to tell anyone that I had my own blog because I was already being bullied at school by other girls. There was no way my confidence could carry me through to the door of actually sharing it with anyone I knew, even my closest friends.
I was scared. I was also wildly insecure and didn’t even want to think about what my peers would say at my school. I hated the idea of my name being spoken on other people’s lips.
All the thoughts of fear flooded my mind. What if my writing is not good enough? What if I’m a laughing joke? What if I don’t succeed at writing? What if…
Years later, I discovered this was my first experience with the fear of failure. It came down to the basics. I didn’t want to share with anyone because I was deathly afraid of failing at writing. Who would’ve guessed that years later this scared little teenage girl would push past her fear of failure and hit the “send” button on her first published column.
Let me tell you. It was not an overnight transformation. Just like Rome wasn’t built in a day, neither is self-confidence.
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